he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
