She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
