I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
