The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
