you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
