hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
