He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
