I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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