tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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