im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
