so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
