I just made out with a guy for $7.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
