my vag is so smooth its legendary
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
