my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
