I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
