And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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