It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
