Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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