he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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