When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
