Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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