You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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