I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
