I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
