So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
