I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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