You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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