Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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