she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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