god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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