My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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