I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
