Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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