Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
