I cannot find my penis.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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