I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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