he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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