I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
