were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
