i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
