this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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