That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
