I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
