Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
