the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
