one two three fourrrrnication!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
