my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
