Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize