It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
