I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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