there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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