My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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