I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
50% drunk capacity currently
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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