So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
