oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
