Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
