you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im holly from the hills drunk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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