Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
