Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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