Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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