Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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