FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
