Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
