well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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