i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
