finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
