If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize