yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
