just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
