EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
