so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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