i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
