I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
