just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
