oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
