So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
